Sometimes, I am not as gentle as I would like to be with the ones I love. I tend to be a quiet person and this might be misunderstood as not having anything to say. Those who know me well will verify that is not the case. I think one of the reasons that I keep my mouth shut is that if I don’t censor myself I could blurt out something harsh. Before I speak I try to understand how other people feel and I try to think about how I might say what is on my mind in a way that will be well received, because if I say something in a way that causes the other person to feel hurt, angry, defensive or to misunderstand my meaning or intention then there was no point in saying it at all. Usually, I am pretty good at this. Other times I fail miserably. Lately, I fail a lot.
St Francis de Sales, The Gentleman Saint, was known for his exceptional warmth and gentle nature. He was kind to the poor, loved by children and an example of patience and gentle love and guidance. Pope Paul VI said of him, “ His method and his manner of acting are for us a vivid light and an example to be imitated. In him the highest sanctity was united to the greatest affability and good will. Free of all aggressiveness in discussion, he loved those who had gone astray, while he corrected their errors. For his diversity was not a version: he approached light with another light. Persistent in love, prayer, and the concern to enlighten, he knew how to wait a long time. He knew how to lead gradually to the fullness of truth those who had wandered from it, from that truth from which one can not wander and which no one has the power to diminish.”
There is certainly a lot to love and admire about his life but perhaps what is most inspiring is that he was not born with this sweet, gentle manner. As a child he had a longing for God and a desire to serve God but he also had a fiery temperament and was easily angered. It took him many years to control this and he struggled with his temper even after he became a Bishop. Saint Francis de Sales did not behave in a saintly manner because it was his nature, he behaved in a saintly manner because of his strong desire to please God and to love people. He behaved in a Saintly manner because he chose to and he worked at it every day.
I am encouraged by St Francis as I write my New Years resolutions. Some are new and some have been on the list for as long as I can remember. New Years Eve is my favorite holiday. Some years I have partied until morning and others I have settled in with a bowl of Spicy Black Eyed Pea Soup and watched the ball drop on television but my favorite New Years nights have been spent snuggled in a blanket on my back patio looking up at the stars and reminding myself of all that I have to be thankful for, of all that I have done and all that I would like to be. It is important to our happiness and our development to spend some time daily, weekly, yearly, reflecting on these things.
We must forgive ourselves for our weaknesses. After all, even men who have led lives so driven by faith that they were officially declared to be saints had imperfections, shortcomings and doubts. So, we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves and we shouldn’t ever give up hope that in the end our life will be an example of great faith. Or at least an example of someone who kept trying.
I will try to have patience with myself and with others. I will try to be understanding and gentle with myself and with others when we let our flaws bubble up to the surface. We are all just good people who are still working on it.
We are all saints in training.
by MissQOKC, On The Appian Way, Rome
“Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections, but instantly set about remedying them — every day begin the task anew -” St Francis de Sales
St Francis de Sales is the patron saint of confessors, writers and journalists.
His feast day is January 24th.
